(Redacted) calls (redacted) roadside support

A satirical, partially redacted transcript for Hunter S. Thompson

TRS: Your roadside request has been received. (portion redacted)

(Redacted): Fu(nky) you turn on my car or I will sue you into the (redacted) ground (redacted).

(Redacted): (Expletive) you

TRS: We are not able to remotely turn on your vehicle.

(Redacted): (expletive) you

(a series of expletives)

…send the calvary (expletive) Dip(expletive)

Tunnel digging (redacted)

(another series of expletives and insults to (redacted) mother”)

(threats to (redacted))

Turn on my (expletive) car

TRS: Would you like me to gain a quote for tow service or would you like to proceed with your insurance?

TRS: I have not received a response.

TRS: Do you need further assistance?

(Redacted): (Expletive) you turn on my car (expletive)

TRS: (repeat msg)

(Redacted): I will sue you in Federal (expletive) court you mother (expletive)

TRS: If you are no longer in need of (redacted) Roadside Assistance, I will have to close this case, to remain available for immediate assistance.

(Redacted): I will find you

TRS: (Repeat of previous msg)

(Redacted): Yes

(Redacted): You shut off my car u tell me

(Redacted): Turn on my car please

(Redacted): Or I will find u and u won’t be happy

TRS: Again, we are not able to remotely turn on your vehicle. The vehicle ran out of range, and will not be able to be turned on until it is charged, then turned on via your mobile app or your key.

(redacted): The vehicle had plenty (i)f range u shut it down

I will send this to the attorney general

I have zero (expletive)

to give

Turn it on

TRS: The vehicle went from 95 miles to 0 in about a two hour span, and can be due to the cold weather. Running out of range also depletes your 12v battery and is why it is recommended to keep the vehicle charged. *

(Redacted): Oh, ok.

I will walk to the nearest airport then, I will find (Redacted).

Then I will (redacted) (redacted).

Then I will use (redacted) (redacted) to (redacted) you.

Just so we are clear.

TRS: Where would you like to have the vehicle towed?

(Redacted): U tell me

I am in the middle of b.f.e.

TRS: I cannot advise where your vehicle should be taken to *

(Redacted): I am going to abandon the vehicle then I will come to you

What is your location?

(Be)cause I am all about locating you.

TRS: (redacted) (name redacted), are you wanting a tow for this vehicle? If so, please provide me with the address of where you would like to go, if not, I will be closing this concern. *

(Redacted): Just you

(expletive) You

I will devote my life.

  • This seems to be a human generated text.

Published by Pi-Des

ideas + verbs = magic

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